Getting a partner into therapy. Or not.

I like therapy.

I need therapy.

I know therapy has helped me.

I am a better person/partner/mother/pet owner/ because of therapy.

I spend more time that Average Jane Soap on therapeutic type activities most days.

Porra has always been hugely supportive of me going to therapy, taking medication, swopping medication, starting a child sexual abuse survivors group, going twice weekly to adult child of alcoholic groups, doing a 12 month counseling course, always having my nose in a recovery related book, going to AA conferences……the list could go on ad nauseum.

Porra has not just been gum flapping in his support. He has followed it up with weekly actions, time and effort. Doing all of the above therapy stuff takes me away from home on a regular basis for a couple of hours. Sometimes whole days or evenings. He helps by looking after Tweenie. Making sure she is fed, watered and deposited into bed at the right time, right place. He even tucks her in. Which is not his “thing”. But he does it because it makes her feel safe.

I was therefore hugely surprised when I recently suggested that perhaps Porra and I should see a sex therapist. Pick me up off the floor surprised.

His answer was “no way !”

It’s our private stuff and he won’t go and talk about it to a stranger.

How about normal couple therapy if we need it ? One day ? I hypothetically asked.

Nope.

What if there was a support group for partners of child sexual abuse survivors ?

Mmmmm. Probably not.

Nope.

I have not accused Porra of having any problems in need of therapy, but I thought going together may help us. If it ever got to that point.

The bottom line in Porra’s mind is that he had a happy childhood, he gets on with his folks, no Uncle Pedro fiddled with his balls……no need for him to go the therapy route. I can try and take him, but he won’t say a word so I mustn’t waste my money. Even if the therapy is because of me and my suitcase full of issues.

I’m the one with the issues. Yes. True.

I must say. I am still surprised. Two days later.

I thought everyone was open to therapy.

Especially Number One Advocate for Diddy’s Therapy – Porra.

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